I have a desire to write, and I have things I want to say, I don’t however really know what to say them. A great deal of the time I stare blindly at this screen and just imagine myself doing this. Typing words.

Words

Words words

WORDS!

I love words, I have them, but I don’t use them. I want to be better at conveying them, about getting across to people what I’m trying to say. Better yet, I want to entertain people. I want people to want to hear from me.

Isn’t that selfish? Who am I to think that I am worth anyone’s time? I have to be someone, I owe it to all the people who have invested time in me. I’ve slowed down, but I used to think that I was really going to be someone someday.

I still want to be someone someday. I can I know I can be someone, because I believe everyone can be someone. Everyone can make an impact. Everyone should try to make a positive impact on everyone they meet. I don’t think we need to share the same viewpoints, because being different is what makes us all wonderful. What you can do that I can’t is amazing! What I can do, I’m not sure but I’ll keep working on it.

For now…

What will I do? I think I’ll keeping writing down words.

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Doctor Visit

I was never a kid that was afraid to go to the doctor. A big part of that I’m sure stems from the fact that the Doctor that birthed me is my mother’s best friend and remained my doctor throughout my life.

When I moved to the city and way from the clinic I was so familiar, I found going to the doctor was a much more uncomfortable experience. For the first time I was nervous and I had not idea how one finds a new Doctor they trust and feel comfortable with.

Luckily the internet exists.

I found my current Dr. on ZocDoc, and I love her. She is intense but I picked her because she had a good rating, was female, and because she was Mexican. And still is all of those things. She talks fast and encourages me along when I hesitate in getting to the point of why I’m there. Thinking about it, the biggest difference is that when I’m there I’m treated like an adult and not Jane’s daughter.

The biggest reason I went to the doctor’s office today was to get scared into making a better change in my life. I am 25, and I am overweight. I told her that I googled my BMI and that it said I was obese.

She gave an encouraging laugh and said “No you’re not obese, here let me check for you..” and then her laugh kinda died, and she got a little more serious. “Well for your height and weight you are right at that point between being overweight and technically obese.” I am at a 30.1 BMI.

I know why she laughed initially. I am overweight, but I distribute my weight pretty evenly throughout my body. I give the illusion of being smaller than I really am.

I asked her to scare me into making better choices in my life, and she is doing that for me. She made an order for me to go and get my lab work done, and gave me a sheet telling me to stop eating everything I love.

I don’t have any illusions about my lifestyle being healthy, I know that I’m out of shape and eat terribly. I will defend that I do love fruit and vegetables, I am just also allergic to most of them. It’s an allergy that irritates more than endangers, so I usually eat fruit anyways and just deal with the itchiness.

These are changes I’ve wanted to make, but I feel like I needed a Doctor to force me to live up to them. There is a history of high blood pressure, diabetes, and glaucoma in my family (and mental illness but that’s a subject for another time)

I’m in my prime and in the worse shape of my life. I don’t want to think that I’m going to be in a downward spiral that leads to serious health problems when I’m an adult. So I’m excited to make these changes and begin making progress.

On another note Fleetwood Mac’s Don’t Stop is playing right now, and I think it’s a perfect note to end on.

I am the type of person who is too nice to the point of constantly getting taken advantage of.

Also

I am also the type of person who knows when I’m being taken advantage of.

And

The type of person who tends to say nothing.

Or

I finally say everything, and then immediately feel awful as if I did something wrong.

Like

My entire purpose is to make people happier, but everyone I surround myself around are perpetually miserable.

Thus,

Making it impossible for me to complete my purpose. Making me miserable as the miserable people I sacrifice my happiness for.

But

Family is Family and I love them.

And

I know they love me.